Decypher,it's not hard,it's soft

Eye ave dun tha deed.
Eye ave sinned.
Knoh,actually, eye snipped 5 inches of me here off.
It's not longanimoh.
It's short nowh.
Temoroh,eye ave to unreport me pelis report.
Me pasteh posteh was bout a gobshite scum who said those theyngs bout mey to mey mam.
Shouting ovaries,i yate that waman.